🧠 The Myth of the Nice CEO

And why over-kindness could be killing your clarity, credibility, and company.

Pssst! Wanna streamline your operations? Hire one of our smart AI teams at Olympia!

Hey CEO fam,

Happy (belated) Easter to those who celebrated! I hope you had a chance to pause, breathe, and reconnect with what matters most. I spent mine in nature—disconnected from gadgets and deeply connected to myself. 🌿

Lately, nature has become my new nightclub. It’s where I truly rest, refill my cup, and gather the energy I need to build bold things and show up fully for this community.

And this week, I’m showing up to celebrate something big:

I’m officially wrapping Season 1 of The First-Time CEO podcast. 🎙️

What started as an idea whispered into a mic is now a full season of 10 honest, vulnerable, and wildly insightful conversations—with founders who’ve built through grief, war, rejection, reinvention, and everything in between. Honestly? I’m a little emotional.

Creating this season was magical! Well, it’s literally a dream come true. Between leading Olympia, moving countries (soon!), and healing a lot behind the scenes, there was not even a single moment when I thought I shouldn’t keep going. Because there is one thing that’s always with me:

Conviction. In the mission. In this community. In you.

Now? It’s happening. Season 1 is in the books—and this week I’ll share the last, 10th episode of it on my socials and here, in the newsletter (next Sunday).

🎉 And, as promised, I’m writing a book.
It will feature insights from 50 episodes (Season 2 is already in motion!) and go deeper into the truths I’ve learned through my own journey as a first-time CEO. This book is for those of us building while blindfolded—and still finding the way.

You’ll be the first to know when pre-orders open. And there is a surprise coming too that can benefit some of you TREMENDOUSLY!

So if you’re new here, don’t miss what’s next.

Now, let’s talk about one of the biggest leadership traps we don’t talk enough about. 👇

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It starts small.

You’re in a meeting with your co-founder. Their idea doesn’t sit right with you, but you nod anyway. You want to keep the peace.

An investor gives you advice that clearly misaligns with your vision. You thank them, make a note to “think on it,” and move on.

There’s a team member you’ve outgrown. You know it. They know it. But you keep postponing the conversation.

Why?

Because you want to be nice.

And that desire—deeply human, socially conditioned, and often reinforced—can quietly become your leadership trap.

According to a Forbes article by Keith Ferrazzi and Ferrazzi Greenlight Research Institute, 72% of team members avoid conflict because they don’t want to disrupt “artificial harmony.” I’ll raise that stat with an anecdotal—but no less true—observation: nearly every first-time CEO I meet admits they’ve delayed at least one critical decision to avoid conflict.

I’ve done it, too. (More than once.)

But here’s what I’ve learned: nice is not the same as kind. And clarity? That’s the real kindness.

What Happens When You Lead From Nice

Being “nice” feels safe. It’s quiet. It earns a few nods and Slack emojis. But it costs you something big—trust.

As a nice CEO, you:

• Say yes when you mean maybe

• Confuse silence for agreement

• Prioritize peace over progress

• Undermine your own standards

And in doing so, you stall the mission. Delay the hard call. Stay liked but ineffective.

I’ve seen this up close. My recent podcast guest told me she spent two years avoiding hard truths.

I knew our product was too complicated. But I didn’t say no. I wanted to be the ‘nice girl’ CEO.

Eventually, the decision was forced—by the market, by reality, and by her own exhaustion. She rebuilt. Reclaimed her voice. And stepped fully into clarity, even when it stung. (Keep reading to know how).

Clarity Is Kindness

Kindness doesn’t mean ease. It means presence. Truth. Doing the thing your team needs—even if they don’t like you for it in the moment.

As a kind CEO, you:

• Share hard feedback early

• Set and uphold real standards

• Make decisions with conviction

• Prioritize trust over likability

That’s the kind of CEO your team actually wants—one they can trust to tell the truth, hold the bar, and lead the way forward.

Yoda Practice: Train Yourself to Let Go

Each week from now on, I’ll offer one small practice to shift your mindset. Here’s today’s:

When you notice yourself hesitating to say the hard thing, ask:

Am I being kind, or just afraid?

Then breathe. Center. And speak the truth—gently, clearly, and without apology.

Like Yoda said: “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”

That includes approval.

The CEO Moves You Can Make This Week

• Say the hard thing you’ve been avoiding. Kindly. Directly.

• Review one key decision you’ve delayed—then make it.

• Rewrite your standards. Share them.

• Ask your team for feedback on your clarity. Then really listen.

🎙️ Listen to Episode 9 of The First-Time CEO Podcast

After losing a loved one and realizing how little was left—no voice messages, no private videos, no passwords, no legacy—she did what few would dare. She built a tech company in the middle of a war.

President Zelensky knows what we’re doing.

🎙️ In Episode 9 of The First-Time CEO podcast, I sit down with Iryna Savytska, co-founder and CEO of Bank of Memories, to talk about how grief became the seed of a global mission—to preserve memory, meaning, and even digital assets for generations to come.

Iryna shared with me how she:

• Stepped into the CEO seat after her husband (and co-founder) realized she was the better fit

• Raised $500K on vision alone, before metrics or traction

• Navigated the trauma of war while keeping her team intact

• Rebuilt her product after realizing it was too complicated—and owned the decision

If you’ve ever doubted yourself or felt like leadership is about keeping everyone happy… This episode is your reality check and your reset.

Watch/listen here:

YOUTUBE | SPOTIFY | APPLE PODCASTS | SUBSTACK

#GoldenFindings

Here are the resources to help you lead with clarity, not compromise:

🧠 Rethinking Customer Experience: Embrace Strategic Friction

In the HBR IdeaCast episode, "How to Reduce the Friction That Hurts You—and Harness the Friction That Helps," the discussion centers on how intentional friction can spur innovation and better decision-making. This perspective challenges the traditional emphasis on effortless customer experiences, suggesting that not all friction is detrimental. ​

📈 Navigating Financial Constraints: YC's Guide for Startups

Y Combinator's 2024 guide, "Advice for Companies with Less Than 1 Year of Runway," offers practical strategies for startups facing financial challenges. It emphasizes the importance of managing founder psychology, making tough decisions early, and maintaining transparency with stakeholders. ​

🎧 Shane Parrish on the Pitfalls of Seeking Approval

In this episode of the Knowledge Project podcast, Shane Parrish delves into why prioritizing being liked can hinder effective leadership. He discusses mental models that help leaders focus on making clear, principled decisions rather than seeking approval.​

📚 Exploring the Challenges of Leadership: A Curated Reading List

This Hacker News thread compiles a list of insightful reads on leadership challenges. Notable mentions include "The Hard Thing About Hard Things" by Ben Horowitz, offering firsthand accounts of navigating complex leadership scenarios. ​

#CEOCheck

You weren’t chosen to be liked. You were called to build something that matters.

So here’s your weekly question a.k.a. #CEOCheck:

Where are you still holding back in the name of being "nice"?

Hit reply to share or write a comment below. I read every note.

Until next Sunday,
Victoria

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Let’s Connect!

For more authentic content like this and first-time CEO insights, follow me on Linkedin and Instagram and The First-Time CEO show on Spotify, YouTube, and Apple Podcasts.

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